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What it’s like to be a part of Horan & McConaty

Every year our company gathers in December to review the year and acknowledge kindness and excellence.  This year we went through the company and asked what it’s like to be part of the company, and we decided to share with you the video we presented at our gathering.  I know I speak for my fellow owners Jennifer McBride, Alvin Braswell, Mark Pipkin, and Daren Forbes and our company officers Dan Frakes, Michael Wellensiek, and Tom Folkert when I express our pride and gratitude for each and every person in the company.   We are honored by the work they do and grateful for the trust placed in us.

– John Horan

 

Making It Through the Holidays

What do the holidays mean to you? For many people, it’s a joyous time of year, a time to celebrate family and friends, and a time to be grateful for life’s blessings, remembering important days gone by and rejoicing in the present moment. For others, though, the holidays are a painful season, when the vacant spaces left by lost loved ones make them wish the holidays would pass quickly. How do you celebrate the holidays, when you don’t feel like celebrating anything?

  • Don’t cancel. It may be tempting to hide away from the holidays, but you’d be doing yourself a disservice. Instead, decide how you want to celebrate it, and let your loved ones know about changes you plan to make. You may want to get away entirely, maybe taking a vacation, or you may be comforted by familiar traditions. Everyone grieves differently, and how you choose to spend your holiday is yours to determine.

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  • Keep the world out if that’s what you need. Even for people in good spirits, the commercialism and constant cheer of the holidays can be a bit wearing. If you’re grieving, it’s likely to be nearly unbearable. Take some quiet time, to do something you enjoy, without any interference from the outside world. Maybe that’s doing some holiday baking, maybe it’s reading a book and listening to your favorite music, or maybe it’s something completely unrelated to the holidays, like going for a pedicure or facial, taking a walk, or seeing a movie. The important thing is to find a way to relax and enjoy yourself.

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  • Don’t expect perfection. You may have hosted a Pinterest worthy holiday meal every year in your home, and your decorations may have been the best of anyone you know, but this year, it might be time to let some things go. Make a big meal, or delegate it to someone else, or don’t have it at all! Shop for the perfect gifts, or give everyone gift cards you ordered online. It may help you to do the things you’ve always done, or it may benefit you to go for whatever is easiest. There’s no wrong answer, but don’t put pressure on yourself to live up to the “perfect” holiday.

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  • Let people in. Talk to your friends and family members about how you’re feeling. Spend time with your favorite people, and accept offers of help and support. While it’s certainly fine to turn down invitations you think will be stressful or painful, it’s also important to feel connected with other people. Sharing your feelings and memories with those you love can help you begin to heal.

We hope that your holidays are meaningful. That’s why we offer assistance to those who have lost a loved one, through information about grief counseling, support groups, recommended reading, and services of remembrance. If there’s any way we can help you this holiday season, as you work your way through a difficult time, please don’t hesitate to contact us.  Please contact Jennifer McBride at 303-577-6057 or jmcbride@horancares.com for information about grief support options in our community.

5 Tips for Dealing with Grief During the Holiday Season

It seems like every year the holiday season gets longer. Stores start putting out Christmas decorations before we’ve even moved past Halloween, and it seems like the holidays go on for months and months. For those who are grieving, it can feel like an eternity. How will you make it through the holidays this year? Decide on a course of action, and follow some simple guidelines.

1. Make your own plans. You get to decide whether to keep holiday traditions or create new ones, and you can do as much or as little as you want to do. Be assertive about events held in your own home, letting your loved ones know ahead of time what changes you are making to the holiday celebrations. If you’re going somewhere else to celebrate, make sure to take your own car so that you aren’t stuck waiting for someone else to be ready to leave. You need to be able to leave if you become uncomfortable or just want to be home.

baking2. Allow yourself to feel. It’s ok to be sad when everyone else is celebrating. Don’t resist joy if it presents itself, but don’t feel guilty for experiencing negative emotions. Your grief experience is your own, and whatever you feel, be it sadness, guilt, anger, or joy, is part of that unique experience.

3. Accept support. This may mean surrounding yourself with friends and family, or it may mean talking about your feelings with one trusted person. It can also mean reaching out for professional help, whether that means attending a support group or a service of remembrance, or seeking counseling.

sadwoman4. Make room for memories. The holidays can be a nostalgic time, even for those who haven’t suffered a loss. If you allow them to, your memories may be a helpful part of your healing process. Share your memories of your loved one with others by telling stories and looking at photo albums. You can also make a memory box with photos of the person you’ve lost, and notes from family and friends. Consider memorializing your loved one in your holiday celebration, perhaps by setting an extra place at the table or lighting a special candle.

memories5. Reach out to others. Sometimes it can be very healing to help someone else. Find ways to connect with those around you by giving of your time, talents and resources. You might invite a guest to dinner who might otherwise be alone, or you might “adopt” a needy family for the holiday. You could also give a donation in memory of your loved one, or provide flowers or other decorations to your place of worship. Being generous with others helps you as you’re helping them, and can ease the pain of your grief.

If you need help dealing with grief this holiday season, we are here to help. We can provide resources, from recommended reading, to support groups, to counseling, to help you find your way through the grief and onto the path toward healing. Contact us today to learn more about what we have to offer. And above all, we hope you have a meaningful holiday season.

5 Tips for dealing with grief during the holiday season

It seems like every year the holiday season gets longer. Stores start putting out Christmas decorations before we’ve even moved past Halloween, and it seems like the holidays go on for months and months. For those who are grieving, it can feel like an eternity. How will you make it through the holidays this year? Decide on a course of action, and follow some simple guidelines.

1. Make your own plans. You get to decide whether to keep holiday traditions or create new ones, and you can do as much or as little as you want to do. Be assertive about events held in your own home, letting your loved ones know ahead of time what changes you are making to the holiday celebrations. If you’re going somewhere else to celebrate, make sure to take your own car so that you aren’t stuck waiting for someone else to be ready to leave. You need to be able to leave if you become uncomfortable or just want to be home

baking2. Allow yourself to feel. It’s ok to be sad when everyone else is celebrating. Don’t resist joy if it presents itself, but don’t feel guilty for experiencing negative emotions. Your grief experience is your own, and whatever you feel, be it sadness, guilt, anger, or joy, is part of that unique experience.

3. Accept support. This may mean surrounding yourself with friends and family, or it may mean talking about your feelings with one trusted person. It can also mean reaching out for professional help, whether that means attending a support group or a service of remembrance, or seeking counseling.

sadwoman4. Make room for memories. The holidays can be a nostalgic time, even for those who haven’t suffered a loss. If you allow them to, your memories may be a helpful part of your healing process. Share your memories of your loved one with others by telling stories and looking at photo albums. You can also make a memory box with photos of the person you’ve lost, and notes from family and friends. Consider memorializing your loved one in your holiday celebration, perhaps by setting an extra place at the table or lighting a special candle.

memories5. Reach out to others. Sometimes it can be very healing to help someone else. Find ways to connect with those around you by giving of your time, talents and resources. You might invite a guest to dinner who might otherwise be alone, or you might “adopt” a needy family for the holiday. You could also give a donation in memory of your loved one, or provide flowers or other decorations to your place of worship. Being generous with others helps you as you’re helping them, and can ease the pain of your grief.

If you need help dealing with grief this holiday season, we are here to help. We can provide resources, from recommended reading, to support groups, to counseling, to help you find your way through the grief and onto the path toward healing. Contact us today to learn more about what we have to offer. And above all, we hope you have a meaningful holiday season.

Caregiver of the Month – Rita Coalson

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Rita Coalson is the winner of the Hospice Caregiver Award presented by Horan & McConaty. She was nominated by Rosalee Blake.

We nominate Rita Coalson for the Horan & McConaty Hospice Caregiver Award. Rita definitely fits into your recognition of “a dedicated person for her selfless devotion and generosity of heart…and a woman who excels in her profession.” She spends countless hours with her hospice patients and families, and her Agape peers. Rita’s presence, and guidance is such a gift to us all! She meets each day with smiles, warmth, laughter, and love. Rita is always willing to offer her presence and resources for those in need, no matter how busy she is. Rita has a remarkable compassion, and passion for bereavement care, whether she is working with Agape clients or team members. She is able to interact with all ages, with exemplary skills and knowledge.

Rita is so fully present during our weekly North Interdisciplinary Team meetings; the team can always feel the positive energy that shines from her. She is ready to offer practical tips for self-care as we process the difficulties of hospice work. As she observes and recognizes a need for possible support, she reaches out to individuals and to the group. Rita holds space and time for her team members to process grief and loss. Rita interweaves her comments in between the team’s reflections regarding patients, families, and ourselves. It’s almost as if she is performing a dance with us all. She allows us to dive deeply into the process of grief, and to cope and manage the days when grief feels heavy.

We all seem to have similar terms like “open” and “willing” in describing Rita, as noted in the comments from team members: Karrie – ”Always willing to lend a hand to anyone, goes the extra mile to help, embodies compassion, willing to be there for others, always has a hug and warm smile for everyone she sees, open heart.” Maggie – “She is always so willing for support when I come to her.” Jaclyn – “She is just so funny and warm and fun to be around.” Charlie – “Rita is one of the most passionate, understanding, and powerful counselors I have had the pleasure of meeting and working alongside. Rita’s love for others permeates throughout her life and inspires those around her to be the best that they can be, and in time of challenge, find strength. Rita’s ability to work through some of the most complicating challenges in life as matter-of-factly as she does promote a non-judgmental and open space that the client feels able to speak their mind and truly process their grief. I truly see Rita as a mentor and idol in the counseling realm as she always has an open door, not only for her clients, but for staff who work through end of life issues daily. Rita’s continual dedication to addressing the needs of those grieving and working with end-of-life issues brings clients to a beautifully fulfilling togetherness that only exceptional counselors can achieve.”

The image that comes to mind in fitting Rita is that from the Buddhist tradition of The Thousand Arms and Eyes of Compassion. This deity of Avalokiteshvara Bodhisattva hears the cries of the world and embodies the compassion of the buddhas. The thousand eyes on the palms allow the bodhisattva to see the sufferings of sentient beings, and the thousand hands allow her to reach out to help them. This beautiful and healing image of a deity fits Rita to a tea.
Rita is top-notch in her profession, and we appreciate her support as we do our fieldwork, and in her bereavement care of her families! Thank you, thank you!

Warmly,
Rosalee Blake, MA and Laura Bodmer, LSW

 

Each monthly Caregiver Award winner will receive a gift card that can be used for whatever the recipient decides and an award.

At the end of twelve months the review committee will select the Caregiver of the Year to be revealed at a banquet honoring the twelve finalists. The Caregiver of the Year will win a trip for two within Colorado.

Caregiver Award

Do you know a Caregiver? Nominate them today!

Facing Thanksgiving When Someone You Love Has Died

Thanksgiving is traditionally a family holiday when loved ones gather from far and near to count their blessings and spend quality time together.  For someone who has suffered a loss, though, this holiday can feel very different. When you’re grieving, it can be hard to get into the holiday spirit, and even worse if you worry about living up to others’ expectations for your behavior. If you’ve suffered a loss, make it easy on yourself, by being proactive about your Thanksgiving.

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  • Keep it simple. This may not be the year for a Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving, and that’s fine. We all have an image of the “perfect” Thanksgiving celebration, but when you’re grieving, perfection should not be the goal. A simple meal, shared with people you love, may be the perfect salve for your tender spirit.
  • Allow yourself to honor the memory of your loved one. Sometimes, we try not to think about the person we’ve lost, but that can make the ache even worse. Don’t resist the memory of the person you love, but honor it by talking about favorite memories you shared. Especially if you’re celebrating Thanksgiving with others who loved that person, this can be a wonderful way to lessen your shared grief. You might remember your loved one in a prayer before a meal, light a candle in his honor, or set an extra place at the table. Whatever feels comfortable for you, that’s a good way to honor the memory of the person who has died.
  • Create new traditions. Maybe you’ve always entertained a huge crowd at Thanksgiving each year, and now that feels uncomfortable and wrong. Maybe there are traditions that you’re dreading because they’ll be too painful after your loss. This is the perfect time to create new traditions. It’s important to remember that life always changes and that you can allow yourself some fluidity in the way you celebrate important dates.
  • Know your limitations. Don’t push yourself to do more than you’re able to handle. If you’re normally the one who hosts, this may be the year to let someone else do it. Even if you’re not hosting, have an escape plan in mind, so that you can leave if it all becomes too much. It’s ok to cancel or abbreviate your Thanksgiving celebrations if that’s what you need to do to take care of yourself.

dinnerIf you’ve suffered a loss, we want to help you find your path to peace. At our funeral home, we have a compassionate and caring staff, well-equipped to help you as you learn to cope with your loss. Whether you need suggestions for reading material that may help, or you’d like to know about community events and classes that deal with grief, we can point you in the right direction to get the help you need. Visit our website, call or stop by, to learn more about all we have to offer. And from all of us, we want to wish you a blessed Thanksgiving.

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Make this Veterans Day Meaningful by Respecting and Honoring Veterans

On Veterans Day, we honor our heroes. We celebrate the brave men and women who have given so much to ensure our freedom and protect our way of life. Unlike Memorial Day, which was created to memorialize those who died in service, Veterans Day honors the living veterans, those who have served and those who continue to serve. For many veterans, though, Veterans Day is a time of great sadness. While we’re celebrating their triumphs, we must also recognize the tragedy of war, and the impact it can have on the lives of service members and their families.

militaryfamilySome veterans return from their time in service with physical issues that are difficult to overcome. Aside from physical pain, some feel emotional pain, perhaps conflicted about their role in combat. Others feel deep grief over friends who died “over there”. No matter the reason for the pain, it should be respected. You may have a soldier in your life, or you may just feel a sense of appreciation for all the troops have done for our country. Whatever your motivation, there are some things you can do this year to make Veterans Day better for a veteran.

  • Listen to their stories. If you have veterans in your life, ask questions about time spent in service, including specifics about jobs and stations. Don’t push, because some veterans aren’t comfortable sharing, but make yourself available to hear anything that needs to be said.
  • Volunteer to help a veteran. Maybe you don’t know any veterans, but you’d like to find a way to express your gratitude through an act of kindness. There are many programs available to facilitate this, whether you want to volunteer in a VA hospital, drive disabled vets to doctor’s appointments, or visit homebound vets. Check with your local VA for information about opportunities to help.
  • Write a letter to a serviceperson. There are men and women in the service who risk their lives every day, to protect our freedoms. Operation Gratitude provides opportunities to reach out to these heroes, by sending a care package or letter.

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  • Don’t forget the families. The men and women who serve in our armed forces make many sacrifices for the greater good of our country, but so do their families. If you know a military family, reach out. Sometimes, just inviting them over for dinner is an act of kindness they’ll remember forever. If you don’t know where to start, Operation Gratitude is once again a good resource. The organization donates stuffed animals to children with deployed parents, provides care packages to caregivers of wounded veterans, and offers support in many other ways as well. You can also help families by donating your frequent flier miles, to help them travel to be with a wounded loved one.
  • Do something meaningful for Veterans Day. Instead of just having a day off, or celebrating with your family and friends, go to a parade, or another event held to honor veterans. At home, talk about why Veterans Day is important, and teach your children to respect veterans. Get your child to draw a picture or write a letter, thanking a veteran for his or her service.
  • Do something meaningful when it isn’t Veterans Day. Veterans are among us every day, not just on Veterans Day. When you reach out on an ordinary day, you can make a real impact on a veteran’s life, and enriching your own life in the process.

 

We are pleased to be able to help the families of veterans, working to ensure that their loved ones receive the full honors to which they are entitled. If your loved one was a veteran, we can help you through the entire process, from filling out important paperwork to planning a memorial that honors not just a life, but also the service of an American hero.

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Volunteer Honor Guards Serve When the Military Is Unable

Denver, CO – November 1, 2017 – From November 6th through November 11th, Horan & McConaty will host an Operation Honor Guard fundraiser, to benefit veteran honor guards who serve the greater metro area. The public is invited to make monetary donations, which will be used to support the needs of veteran honor guards and their members.

When a veteran is not eligible or the military is not available, honor guard members are volunteers who supplement the military and provide honors at the family’s request.  In the Denver Metro Area, there are only 2 volunteer honor guards, the All Veterans Honor Guard and Longmont American Legion Post #32 Honor Guard.

Dick Kounovsky, of the American Legion Honor Guard in Longmont, says that their group of 25 volunteers stays busy. “We provide military honors for deceased veterans, and we do that about 110-120 times each year. We also go to schools and retirement homes to do flag talks, and on Veteran’s Day we lead the parade.”

Maury Smith is the coordinator of the All Veterans Honor Guard, which is composed of five teams in the area.  He’s also Commander of the Aurora Honor Guard.  “There aren’t enough of us to go around,” he says.  “It’s truly a noble cause. We’re all volunteers, and the thanks we get is the appreciation of the families we serve.”

According to the Department of Defense, there are ten thousand Honor Guards in the United States, averaging 12 members each. These men and women donate their time and bear the costs of their uniforms, transportation, and equipment. Operation Honor Guard seeks to assist these volunteers by providing funds to conduct military funerals for veterans and service members, to raise awareness of the role of volunteer veteran honor guards, and to encourage more veterans to become involved and support this important mission.

In addition, there is the Honor Bell, providing a stirring tribute to a veteran’s service. Commissioned in 2016, the Honor Bell is a 1000 pound bronze forged instrument, created by veterans, and funded by donations. It’s rung by the Bell Honor Guard, and its mission, says Executive Director/Founder Louis Olivera, is to honor deceased veterans.

“No veteran should ever be buried without honor,” says Olivera. “Whether they served for 3 years, or retired after 30, they deserve honor.” He’s very proud of the selflessness of the Honor Guard volunteers, adding, “These individuals stand for hours in all weather conditions, many of them elderly, some even in their 90s, and demonstrate to their fellow citizens that America is the land of the free, and the home of the brave.”

Horan & McConaty is dedicated to helping veterans in any way they can. Says Horan, “I’ve seen these men and women, all volunteers, provide stirring tributes to veterans on the hottest and coldest days of the year.  They seem honored to serve and do a great job.  Survivors of the veterans are deeply moved by the rifle salute, playing of taps, and the folding and presentation of the flag.  These honor guards need our financial support and they need more members. We are delighted to raise funds and increase awareness to support this important mission.”

HELP VETERANS TODAY

About Horan & McConaty

For over 120 years, Horan & McConaty has served families in the greater Denver area, working to ease the journey of those coping with the end of a life with unsurpassed levels of compassion and professionalism. We facilitate services that provide comfort and meaning, and honor life.

About Operation Honor Guard

Operation Honor Guard, founded in 2013, is now a 501(c)(3) organization which has benefitted over eighty Honor Guards across the nation.

About the Honor Bell Foundation

Honor Bell Foundation, Inc. is a Colorado nonprofit, 501(c)(3) corporation based in Denver. The foundation not only provides a ceremonial bell for veterans’ funerals, but also veteran outreach and community education.

Grief on Grandparents Day: Grieving A Grandchild

Grandparents Day is a wonderful holiday, meant to honor grandparents and help to strengthen intergenerational bonds. For some, though, it’s a reminder of loss, and a time of sadness. It’s not unusual for a child to lose a grandparent, but what about when the loss goes the other way? Grieving grandparents are often overlooked, but their sadness is just as real as anyone mourning the loss of a loved one.

elderlycoupleWhen a child dies, the parents are, understandably, the primary focus of sympathy and comfort. Losing a child brings intense pain, and can even be a difficult time in a marriage. If you’re a grandparent suffering a loss, you may feel lost in the shuffle. It’s a different kind of pain, when your own child has lost a child, because you’re not just mourning the loss of a grandchild, you’re also suffering the pain of not being able to protect your own child from pain. While these feelings are natural, there is a way through them, especially if you take some steps to help yourself deal with all the feelings.Man hands planting the young tree while working in the garden, ,

  • Talk to your child. Your feelings are complicated, and so are your child’s feelings. Be gentle with each other, and appreciate that everyone experiences grief differently. Avoid making any judgments or giving unsolicited advice. The best thing to do is just be there for each other.
  • Do what you can to help. Offer to bring meals, or grocery shop, or watch the other children, if there are any. Be aware that the grieving parents may not even know what they need, and try to think about it objectively, to think of helpful things to offer. It’s also important to be aware that they may want some time alone; don’t be offended if your offers of assistance are refused. If there’s nothing they need right now, just wait and offer again later, without allowing yourself to have hurt feelings or feel rejected.
  • Take care of yourself. It’s important to make sure you’re eating well, as well as getting enough rest and exercise. Especially when you’re concerned about your family members, the tendency may be to push your own needs to the bottom of your priority list. However, you have to take care of yourself in order to be helpful to others.
  • Spend time with loved ones. If you have other grandchildren, be sure to spend time having fun with them. No matter what, spend time doing things you enjoy, with people you love. Life is precious, and nurturing relationships is one of the most important things you can do to take care of yourself.
  • Do something to honor your grandchild’s memory. It could be something symbolic, like planting a tree, or it could be something practical, like volunteering at an elementary school. The important thing is to find a way to use your grief in a positive way, to help you find your own path.
  • Be gentle with yourself on holidays. For a while, holidays like Grandparents Day, as well as birthdays and anniversaries of the death, may be painful and difficult. This is to be expected, so be patient and give yourself some time to heal. Do something special for yourself on these challenging days, whether this means participating in an activity that brings you joy, or simply spending time alone.

Whether your grandchild was an infant, a child, or an adult, your loss is a loss of future hopes and dreams, and it’s a loss you share with your own child and your child’s partner. Together, you’ll grieve, and together you can find a path to renewed hope. We want to provide the support you need along the way, so please contact us if you need help. We’ve got resources to make the journey smoother. Visit our website for more information, or call and speak to a member of our caring and compassionate staff.

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